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UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 



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BROTHER AND LOYER: 



A WOMAN'S STORY. 



By EBEN E. REXFORD. 




NEW YORK : 
JOHN B. ALDEN, PUBLISHER. 

1887. 






Copyright, 1886, 

BY 

JOHN B. ALDEN. 



TO ALL WOMEN, NORTH AND SOUTH, 

WHOSE MEMORY GOES BACK TO WAR-TIME, 

THIS LITTLE VOLUME IS INSCRIBED. 



BROTHER AND LOVER 

A WOMAN'S STORY. 



I never shall forget the summer day 
When mother died. If I but close my eyes 
It all comes back to me, as, after dreams, 
Remembrance of them haunts our waking 

hours. 
I hear the low, soft twitter of the birds 
Whose nest was hidden in the cherry tree 
Beside the window, as they talked about 
Their little brood. I hear the summer wind 
Among the flowers in the garden beds, — 
Sweet- smelling pinks, old-fashioned mari- 
golds, 
And lilies, each a cup at early morn, 
Brimmed with cool dew for sunshine-elves 

to drink, 
And after that a cradle for the bee, 
Rocked by the wind. And I can hear the 

song 
Of mowers in the valley, and the ring 
Of sharpening scythes, and see the fragrant 
grass 



6 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

Tremble and fall in long and billowy 

swaths, 
As if green waves from some advancing tide 
Broke at the mower's feet ; and I can see 
The meadows over which swift shadows pass, 
As clouds go by between it and the sky, 
And fancy it a sea whene'er the wind 
Blows over it, and crinkling billows run 
From isles of shade to golden shores of sun : 
And one white mullein seems the filling sail 
Of a fair shallop on this summer sea, 
Freighted with fancies from some far 

Cathay, 
Where dreams are gathered as we gather 

flowers 
In idle mood, scarce knowing what we do. 

It all comes back to me like yesterday, — 
That summer hour, across whose sunshine 

fell 
The lonesome shadow of an unmade grave. 

In those long days, when sense of coming loss 
Hung like a cloud between me and the world, 
And seemed to shut me in, a prisoner there, 
Away from those who had no care to vex — 
No grief to bear— I used to sit and think 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 7 

Of what must be.— I saw dear mother's face 
Grow thinner, paler, like a sail that fades 
[n the gray distance, and I knew full well 
That she was drifting out upon the tide 
That sets toward the Infinite Sea, and soon 
"Where her dear face made sunshine in the 

room 
The shadow of dread Azrael's wing would 

fall. 
Where was the Heaven she was going to ? 
So far away that she could no more see 
The children she had loved and left behind? 
When trouble came to us, could her warm 

heart — 
No less a mother's heart in Heaven than it 

had been 
A mother's heart on earth — know of it all, 
And understand our sorrows as of old ? 
What Heaven was I hardly understood, 
For childhood's thoughts are vague ones at 

the best 
About the mysteries of life and death ; 
But I was sure that Heaven would not be 
The Heaven of my fancy if it shut 
Our mother and her love away from us. 

Mother would often talk with Rob and me 
About her going from us. Never once 



8 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

She spoke of it as dying, for I think 
" Going away " has not so sad a sound 
As ' ' dying " has, and in that thoughtful love 
Which always sought to spare her children 

pain, 
She chose the simple phrase in daily use 
Among us when we speak of those who go 
Upon a journey. If we think of them 
As gone away, not dead, we do not feel 
That awful sense of loss which death sug- 
gests ; 
We, someway, do not feel their absence so ; 
A little time of parting from our friends— 
A parting all must know — and then 
To be with them again. Sometime, some- 
where, 
The sundered paths will meet, and love will 

have 
Its own again, — its own for ever more. 
But if we think of them as dead, we seem 
To stand upon the brink of a great gulf 
Too wide for us to cross, and feel that they 
Are separated from us by a sea 
That breaks upon a shore of mystery, 
And they are lost to us. At least to me 
It always brings such dreary fancies up 
To speak of death, or absent friends as dead. 
So, when our mother talked with Rob and me 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 9 

About her going from us, I would feel 
That after she was gone, 'twould be as if 
Her feet had climbed a long, steep hill, and 

she 
Was on the other side, just out of sight, 
But never far away. The thought was sweet 
With comfort for a childish heart like mine, 
Perplexed by thoughts of what I felt must 

be, 
The mystery that I could not comprehend. 



Years have gone by since then, but to this 

day 
I always think of mother and of Rob 
As on the hill's far side. When I have 

climbed 
The pathway to the summit, I shall see 
The dear ones I have loved and missed so 

much, 
For just beyond the hilltop it is Heaven. 



It was at sunset when she went away. 
The robin sang, high in the cherry tree, 
A little vesper song ; sang soft and low, 
As if he feared the silver sound might break 
The spell of peace that rested on the world. 



10 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

We heard the drowsy tinkling of the bells 
Of cattle coming homeward down the hill, 
And pleasant sights and sounds were every- 
where 
About us and above us. 

All at once 
She called us, and we went to her. She put 
The mother-arms about us, folding close 
Her children to the mother-heart once more, 
And kissed us many times, while whisper- 
ing o'er 
The tender names her love had given us,— 
The dear pet names that never sound so sweet 
As when a mother speaks them to the child 
Upon her breast, — between each one a kiss. 

" Dear little Ruth and Robbie, " mother said, 
" At last the time has come when I must go 
Upon the journey I have told you of." 
And then she held us closer to her heart 
As if to ward away the unseen hands 
That sought to part us. 

"But, when I am gone, 
In times of trouble, — and such times will 

come, — 
When you would talk to some one who can 

give 
The sympathy you need, come to my grave, 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 11 

And there above the grass that covers me, 
Tell mother all about it, — she will hear ; 
Remember that, my children, — I shall know. 
Oh Ruth, dear little Ruth, be very kind 
To Brother Rob, for he'll have no one else 
To look to for the love that he will need 
When I am gone. I leave him in your care, 
And henceforth you must be to him, my 

child, 
Mother as well as sister. " 

Then she kissed 
My eyes, and called me " mother's own 

good girl." 
—I love to think of that. — 

A little silence fell 
While I cried softly on her breast, and Rob 
Was still, awed by the mystery in the air, 
His eyes full of vague wonderment as he 
Looked up in mother's face. The sunset lit 
The room with sudden splendor, and I 

thought, — 
Strange how such thoughts will come at 

such a time, — 
Of something in the Bible I had heard 
My mother read : The Revelator's tale 
Of what he saw in visions, when the gates 
Of Heaven were opened. And I wondered 

then 



12 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

If the great gates had not been swung apart, 
And sunset's sudden glory was a glimpse 
Of what the poet-prophet saw. The hills 
Were crested all with fire, and every tree 
Seemed to have changed its leaves of green 
for gold. 



The branches of the cherry at the pane 
Kept tap, tap, tapping, as if unseen hands 
Were there, and I remember wondering 
If messengers from God's white city stood 
Outside the window, waiting to come in. 



The glory of the sunset died away, 
And shades of twilight filled the silent room. 
I thought that mother slept, but suddenly 
She stirred and spoke my name. I put my 

face 
Close to her own, for answer, in the dusk. 
" And Robbie, is he here \ " — I laid his head 
Upon her breast. She kissed him many times. 
"Be good to him, my little Ruth," she said ; 
"Be good to him, — be mother's own good 

girl. 
God bless you both and have you in His care 
Forever — ever — " 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 13 

Then her voice was still, 
And I was sure that mother slept again. 



Mysterious sleep — from which none ever 

wake 
To tell us what they dream of, if they dream. 



The robin by his nest sang all at once 

A little strain that trembled through the 

dusk 
In sounds that were like ripples on a pool- 
Fainter and fainter as the circles grow, 
Until they touch the shores. So softly died 
The ripple of the robin's song away 
Upon the shore of silence. 

Who shall say 
He did not hear some echo of the song 
The angels sang when mother went away, 
And sang because the music was so sweet 
That he could not be silent % Ah, who knows ? 



From that strange slumber mother did not 
wake. [away, 77 

They told us she was dead, — said " Come 
And covered her white face. — 



14 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

I could not stay 
Where faces were so curious, though so kind 
And full of sympathy for us, and so 
With Robbie's hand in mine I went away 
Where none but him and God would see 
my grief. 



" Gone— gone away" seemed whispered by 

the wind, 
As if it told the night about our loss, 
To stir its heart with tenderness for those 
Whose dearest, truest friend had gone from 

them 
On the long journey all must sometime take. 
The darkness seemed to fold us to its breast 
As if in pity for our loneliness ; 
It seemed to me as if our mother's love 
Pervaded all things in the silent night, 
As fragrance from a flower fills the air. 
You may not see the flower, and yet you feel 
Its presence by its sweetness. So it seemed 
That all about us, earth, and air, and sky, 
Was eloquent of mother and the love 
That is as strong and steadfast as the sea, 
And most like God's. 

Next day they let me in 
To mother's room. They fancied I would be 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 15 

Afraid of the still form from which the soul 
Had flown away, as the long-captive bird 
Plies from the cage behind whose prison bars 
So long its home has been, when some kind 

hand 
Sets wide the door. 

I bade them go away 
And leave me with my dead. Afraid ? Not L 
What was there I should fear ? 

They shut the door 
And left me with the mystery of death. 



Filled with an awe that was akin to fear, 
I lifted the white cloth that hid her face. 



Was that my mother ? Had I ever kissed 
These lips of marble, upon which the seal 
Of an eternal silence seemed to be ? 
The dead face wore that awful, sphinx-like 

look 
Which gives such dignity to death. It 

seemed 
As if behind the frozen mask was hid 
All wisdom, and the secret no one knows 
Until he learns it from the lips of God, 
In that supremest moment when the soul 



16 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

Puts off the garments it has worn, and stands 
Naked before its maker. 



Long I stood 
And looked on that white face. 

At last I felt 
A crushing sense of isolation creep 
Upon me, for it seemed as if no more 
Would mother comprehend the things of 

earth. 
Remembrance of it must be blotted out 
In the great transformation death had made. 



I hid my face— I could no longer look 
Upon the form before me, and I wept 
In heart- sick, hopeless sorrow. 



By and by 
I heard a step, and thought to run away 
To hide my grief. But as the steps drew near, 
I knew who came, and checked my suddeu 
flight. 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 17 

The door was opened softly, and John Earle 
Looked in. Upon his thoughtful face I saw 
An earnest look that touched me like a word 
That goes straight to the heart because it 

means 
So much. 

He saw me standing in the gloom, 
And came and stood beside me. 

"See," he said, 
"I brought some pansies," and held out his 

hands 
Full of the flowers most like human things 
Of any flowers that grow. "I brought them, 

Ruth, 
Because I knew she loved them." 

That was all, 
But it was quite enough. He understood 
My sorrow's sacredness. Such sympathy 
Is sweet as rain is in the time of drought 
To parched and thirsty meadows. It was told 
In language wordless, but more eloquent 
Than any words can be. 

I took his flowers — 
Purple and azure, with such golden hearts 
It seemed as if they had condensed the 

warmth 
And brightness of the June in them, and 

put 



18 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

Some in my mother's hand, some on her 

breast. 
They seemed to take away the far-off look 
The marble face had worn, and make it more 
Like mother's face to me. 

He turned away 
In silence, with grave eyes ; and I went out 
With him, and shut the door upon the dead. 

Next day they buried mother on the hill, 
Where father's grave was, underneath a tree 
Where birds built nests and sang their 

summer songs 
As if they had no thoughts of death or loss, — 
No sorrow such as comes to human hearts, 
Sooner or later. 

Up the hillside road 
We followed her whom kind hands bore 

away 
From the old home. We might go after her, 
Not with her, as of old, to the grave's brink: 
But there our feet must pause; we might not 

pass 
The boundary of this world. We must await 
God's own good time before we entered in 
To know the mystery of that Other World 
Which lies so close to this, — a sod between 
The Here and the Hereafter. 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 19 

As we went, 
John walked with us, with Robbie's hand 

in his ; 
And when they let the coffin down, I saw 
That he had coaxed the boy to look away 
From the sad sight made by a closing grave. 
Such a kind, thoughtful heart was his that he 
Would always seek to keep from other eyes 
The sad sights of this life. 

When the last sod 
Was heaped o'er mother's face, I turned 

away 
With Robbie from the spot, and we went 

down 
The old path to the river, where the trees 
Would hide from sight the new grave on 

the hill. 
I dropped down in the grass and hid my face, 
And sobbed out " Mother— mother." 

Did she hear ? 
Or was her heart so filled with solemn awe 
Of Heaven's ineffable glory and of God 
There was no room, just then, for thought 

of me? 



■ ' Won't mother come back to us any more ? " 
Asked Robbie, creeping closer to my side. 



20 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

" How can she ? " was my answer. For my 

grief 
Was like a cloud that stretched across the 

sky, 
Hiding the sunshine of a childish faith 
In what the mother I had lost had taught 
Me to believe. 

"But don't you know she said 
That we could tell her things? If she has gone 
' Way off, and won't come back, we can't do 

that." 



"I know she told us so," I answered him ; 
"But oh ! " — the world- old cry of sorrow,— 

"she 
Has gone out of our lif e. " And then I dropped 
My tear- wet face down in the grass that 

seemed 
To listen with a silent sympathy, 
And leaned to touch my cheek with fingers 

kind, 
As if it knew the comfort a caress 
Can give to grieving hearts. 

"Then, Ruth," a voice 
Said close beside us, grave and gentle-toned, 
— John's voice — "you must not think there's 

no one left 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 21 

To love you, now your mother's gone away, 
For, Ruth, /love you. 7 ' 

" Yes," I made reply, 
"But not as she did." 

"That is true," he said ; 
"No other love is like a mother's love, 
And yet there may be love as strong and 

true. 
You'll let me love you as your brother does, 
Won't you, dear Ruth % " 

" Yes, if you will," I said ; 
"But all the love I ever have to give 
Shall go to Rob. I'll keep it all for him." 



Then Robbie looked at me with wondering 

eyes, 
And asked, "Won't you love Johnny, Sis- 
ter Ruth ? 
/love him, lots and lots." 

"I'll be his friend," 
I said, " one of his best and truest friends ; 
But mother would not like to have me share 
The love I promised I would give to you 
Between you and another. All for you, 
For you, dear Robbie, will I keep my love, 
But John shall stand next to you,— as a 
friend," 



22 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

In those long days of loneliness and loss, 
John's friendship was the staff on which I 

leant. 
He understood me as no other did. 
He often came to talk with me of her 
Whose feet had crossed the threshold of the 

world 
Invisible to us, and when he spoke 
Of her as out of sight, yet near— so near— 
And knowing, as of old, our needs of her, 
His words were very sweet to listen to. 



" She comes to you in other than old ways," 
He said to me. " She tells you in a flower 
That she remembers; and you dream of her, 
And think that she is near you. Who shall 

say 
'Tis nothing but a dream ? I always see 
Her face in pansy blossoms, for you know 
She loved the pansy best of any flower. 
My mother loved no other flower so well 
As lilacs ; and each year at lilac-time 
I feel a strange, deep gladness, for it seems 
As if my mother had come back to me 
In the sweet blossoms. I have sometimes 

thought 
It may be that the flower we love the best 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 23 

When we are here on earth, becomes, when 

we 
Are dead, the messenger of tender thoughts 
To those we left behind us, and we tell 
In bloom and fragrance, messages of love 
That Heaven makes sweeter. So, in lilac- 
time, 
I whisper to the blossoms, and it seems 
As if they understood me. When a breath 
Of fragrance comes, at morning or at night, 
To greet me from the lilacs at the door, 
I think, ' She has a loving thought for me,' 
And I am glad — so glad." 

His eyes were bright 
With pleasure at the fancy. 

"I shall try 
To think my mother comes to me like that," 
I said. And when, next morning, I went up 
To sit by the new grave beneath the elm, 
I found a bunch of pansies blossoming there, 
And knew well where they came from. Every 

flower 
Seemed beckoning me, as if in eagerness 
To tell me something. 1 knelt down beside 
The grave o'er which the summer's gentle 

hand 
Had spread a coverlet of green, whereon 
The June's deft fingers wrought a broidery 



24 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

Of fairy-fine conceit, and kissed each flower 
As if I kissed my mother's face. It seemed 
— Perhaps it was but fancy, or the wind, 
Maybe, among the branches of the elm — 
As if some voice in whisper spoke my name, 
And, to my ear, it sounded like Tier voice, 
Far-off, as out of Heaven. And I was glad. 
Our fancies, though we know them to be 

such, 
Make little spots of beauty in our lives ; 
And Grod be thanked that fancies come, 

say I, 
To cheer us all along the road of life. 



It seems to me, whenever I look back 
To childhood, that the years that lie between 
The cradle and the time when we are grown 
To man's and, woman's estate, are like a 

dream. 
It is like drifting down a sunny river, 
From morning to the noontide, past the 

shores 
That slip away behind our little boat 
Unnoticed, unregretted. Not a cloud 
Of care to blot the sunshine as we look 
Ahead, but never back, with eager eyes, 
Imagining that the hills whose peaks we see 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 25 

Beyond us, and far off, are fairer far 
Than those receding from us, as we drift 
All dreamily down the windening stream of 

time. 
Before we are aware the morn is past — 
Has vanished like the rose of yesterday,— 
And we have reached the hills that seemed 

far off 
A little time ago. No dreaming for us now. 
" Dreams are for childhood and old age," 

we say. 
It is for us to do the work of life 
As best we may, and with brave, hopeful 

hearts 
We look about us, eager to begin. 

Alas, how many weary in the strife, 
And long to have it over, and lie down 
Beneath the shelter of the grass to rest. 

So from our dream of childhood Rob and I 
Woke suddenly, one day, to find that we 
Were man and woman. 

" Do— you comprehend 
The mighty meaning in that little word, 
A man," I asked. "God grant that you 
may be 



26 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

A man in deed and thought as well as name.' 7 
u God helping me, I will," he said, and put 
His loving arms about me with a kiss, 
As if to set the seal of love upon 
The promise he had made. 



No one can know 
How much I loved my brother. Upon him 
I lavished the affections of my heart, 
Giving him all, and keeping nothing back. 
With him to love, I felt no need of friends, 
And so my friends were few. Now, looking 

back 
Along the stream on which we drifted down 
To manhood and to womanhood, one face, 
And only one, looks out of memory, 
Beside Rob's face, and that one is John 

Earle's. 
It brightens and blends in with all my 

thoughts 
Of childhood's time, as oft a memory 
Of melody heard on some happy day 
Comes back to haunt us in some after year. 
Always, when Robbie was away from me, 
He was with John ; two boon companions, 

they; 
I often felt a pang of jealousy J 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 27 

When Rob would come from some long talk 

with John, 
Or row upon the river, or some tramp 
Among the woods and hills, because he spoke 
Such eager and enthusiastic words of him. 
I could not bear the thought that Robbie 

cared 
For any one but me. I cannot tell 
Why I was selfish as I was, or why 
I so ignored all others for his sake 
In such a selfish fashion. It was not 
Because he wished to have it so, for he 
Had many friends, and friendship for them 

all. 
And I knew, too, he would have liked it well 
If I had given to each one a share 
Of the affection kept for him alone. 
As I look back, to-day, I see wherein 
I erred in keeping all my love for him. 
God does not mean that we should give to one 
The whole, when others justly claim a share. 
The friendship of the human heart belongs 
To many, not to few. The meadow rose 
May have one bee it cares for most of all, 
And therefore keep its sweetest sweets for 

him, 
Because of that it should not close its cup 
To every other one. 



28 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

Sometimes, the thought 
That some day there would come a change 

would cross 
My heart like a dark shadow. It might be 
A fairer face than mine would come between 
Me and the brother that I loved so well, 
And weave its spell about him, and would 

claim 
Part of the love I wanted wholly mine. 



Something of this I said to him one day, 
In laughing way, my arms about his neck ; 
My words were lightly spoken, but I meant 
Them all, and more. 

"Afraid of losing me I " 
He laughed, and kissed the dimple on my 

cheek — 
His "kissing- spot" he called it— (To this 

day 
I let none kiss me there, because it seems 
His, and his only.) "Do not worry, Ruth; 
No one shall come between us." 

Brother mine, 
Over the hill upon the Heaven- side, 
Nothing has come between us, and I know 
That nothing ever can. Thank God for that. 
The only difference that the years have made 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 29 

Is, that he who was mine on earth is now 
Mine in the world of God. 

One day when Rob stood with me on the 

porch 
Beneath the brier roses, where the bees 
Were humming slumbrous music as they 

sucked 
The nectar from the fragile, fragrant cups 
That seemed o'erflowing with the sun's rare 

wine, 
He put his arms about my neck and said : 

" You've often talked to me as if you feared 
Some one would steal away my love for you; 
As if they could," and then he bent to kiss 
My face in boyish fashion. "JSTow I think 
I am the one who should be most afraid, 
Because,"— and then he took my face 

between 
His hands, and looked into my eyes, — 

u because 
I know of some one whom I count as friend 
Who'd like, I think, to rob me of my -Ruth." 

I felt a wave of color rise and break 
Across my cheek. I knew full well he meant 



30 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

That John, his friend and mine, had showed 

to him 
His heart, in some unguarded hour, and 

there 
Rob read the story of a love untold, 
As yet, in words. 



A woman often feels 
The coming of a love before she hears 
Its footsteps on the threshold of her soul, 
And, standing there, timid yet bold, it 

knocks 
For entrance at the portals of her heart, 
As those who sit in silent thought alone 
Will feel a presence that they have not seen 
Or heard, and lift their eyes to meet the 

glance 
Of some one standing near. 

Though to myself 
I had not said, in just so many words, 
That John Earle was my lover, I had felt 
His friendship had a tenderer quality 
Than ordinary friendships have. No word 
Of his had ever told as much to me, 
And yet, I knew it. I could feel the truth. 
I felt, as any woman will, a thrill 
Of pleasure at the thought of being loved 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 31 

In such a way. When her first lover comes, 
A woman's heart is like a bud that feels 
The sunshine on its folded leaves— a stir 
Of new, strange gladness in its hidden 

depths, — 
And then some burst into a sudden bloom 
And yield their fragrance to the subtle 

power 
That opens the waiting flower ; but I said, 
" I have no love to give him in return ; 
It all belongs to Rob." So I would keep 
My heart shut 'gainst the warmth of love's 

sweet sun. 
"We will be friends," I said, "the best of 

friends, 
But nothing more, for fate has willed it so." 

The nation's time of trial was at hand. 
We heard, far off, the mutterings of a storm, 
And in the Southern heavens we beheld 
A cloud of threatening blackness gathering 
Along the horizon, and all men felt 
Forebodings of the evil days to come. . 

One April afternoon I leaned across 
The window-sill to watch the world grow 
green, 



32 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

While I was waiting for Rob's coming home, 
And wondering why it was he staid so long. 
At last he came, and ere he reached the gate 
I noted an excitement in his face, — 
A pale stern look whose strangeness fright- 
ened me. 
" Something has happened to him," was my 

thought, 
And I ran out to meet him anxiously. 
" What is it, Rob ? " I cried. u How pale you 

are ! 
I never saw you look like this before. 7 ' 

He took my hand in his, and from his eye<> 
Flashed out the story he had come to tell 
In eager and impetuous words : " O, Ruth ! 
There's going to be war. You'll scare' 

believe, 
But it is true, — they've fired upon our flag 
At Sumter. They have dared to do a deed 
That sets the hearts of Northern men on 

fire, 
And we will not sit down with folded hands, 
And wonder at it. We're not cowards yet ! 
We will not see the old flag in the dust, 
Trodden by traitor feet, and make no sign. 
We'll prove to them the old blood courses 

yet 
In Northern veins." 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 33 

I answered not a word, 
But sat down on the door-step, white and 

faint. 
I closed my eyes. Before me swiftly passed 
A vision : and I saw a lonely hill, 
A nd on its sunny side, beneath a pine, 
A low, green grave, — unmarked by any 

stone, 
Or aught to tell who had found slumber 

there. 

"What is the matter, Ruth? 7 ' my brother 

asked. 
" Why, you are pale as death. Ruth, are 

you ill ? " 

"Not ill, but frightened, Rob," was my 
reply. 

I saw what was to be. I'd often feared 
Some fairer face than mine — some woman's 

face — 
Would lure my brother from me. Now I 

knew 
The face whose power I had dreaded so 
Was the stern face of Right— our Country's 

face. 



34 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

I put my hand in his, and sunset fell 
About us peacefully, but the old peace was 

gone. 
Henceforth the days would never be the same 
As they had been. 

We sat there, speaking not, 
Till the last glow of crimson faded out 
In gloom in the far west, as on the hearth 
The flame dies out in ashes. 

"Ruth," he cried 
At last, with flashing eyes, "can it be true ? 
I can't help thinking of it." 

"Don't," I said, 
And put my hand over his eyes to hide 
The excitement in them. "Surely it can 

make 
Xo difference with us." 

Then he cried out 
In eager way— I hear the brave words yet — 
"Ruth, would you have your brother stay 

at home 
If he was needed by his Country \ No ! 
I know you would not. You're too brave for 

that. 
You w T ould despise a coward." 

How his face 
Kindled, as if the sunset lingered yet 
Above the hills, and flashed its light on him, 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 35 

My loyal-hearted brother, as lie stood 
On the home threshold over which his feet 
Would soon go forth, never to make again 
The music of beloved footsteps there. 



u But you are all I have on earth," I cried. 
How can I let you go ? " and all my heart 
Was in the cry. 

From other hearts than mine — 
So many, many hearts in North and South— 
That same sad cry went up in those dark 

days. 
When the land waited with abated breath 
The breaking of the storm so close at hand, — 
The dread simoom that strewed the hills 

with graves, 
And made the valleys places of the dead ; 
When Sorrow sat by every hearth, and tears 
Were dropping swiftly like the sands that 

mark 
The passing "moments in the glass of time. 



We heard a step. John Earle came up the 

path, 
And said " Good evening" to us. Silently 
We made room for him on the step, and he 



36 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

Sat down beside us. Ere ten words had 

passed 
Between us, Rob broke out about the news 
From Sumter, and one glance into John's 

face 
Told me that he was in the mood to feel 
And sympathize with Rob's excitement. I 
Rose up and went away. I did not care 
To listen to them, for I knew full well 
What they would talk about. So I went 

down 
The garden path, bordered by two long rows 

Of stately lilacs, growing faintly green 

In the sweet weather of the April days, 

And sat there, thinking, thinking, while 

the sound 
Of their eager voices broke upon my ears 
Discordantly. The night was filled with 

peace, 
But not my heart. For me all peace had fled; 
The shadow of a parting lay across 
The way before me, and I could not see 
The ending of the pathway. But I saw 
Again that green hill, sloping to the sun, 
And the low grave upon it, 'neath the pine. 

I never shall forget the day when Rob 
And John enlisted. It was in the May, 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 37 

When all the world was beautiful to see. 
The trees were putting on their summer dress, 
And here and there, in little wayside nooks, 
Pale violets bloomed, and shy wakerobins 

made 
Bright spots among the shadows, and the air 
AVas full of delicate odors, and overhead 
The restless bluebird soared, and seemed 

to be 
Embodied song, that God had dowered with 

wings, 
And all about us larks and robins sang 
In bush and treetop, in the warm, bright sun, 
As if their hearts were running o'er with joy. 
The bees were gathering in their early stores 
From willows by the brookside, and I 

watched 
Them flying to their hives, with laden thighs, 
All covered with the gold of pollen-dust. 
Sweet sights, sweet sounds on earth and in 

the air, 
A s if there was no sorrow, and grim war 
Was something dreamed of , that could never 

come 
To break the peace about our little world. 

I sat there sowing 'neath the cherry tree — 
Sewing and thinking. Suddenly I heard 



38 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

A sound like distant thunder, low and deep. 
And mingled with it was another sound 
That made my heart stop beating when the 

wind 
Blew toward me from the village. Faintly 

shrill 
Above the beat, beat, beating of the drums, 
A strain of martial music rose and fell. 
I shuddered at the sound. In it I heard 
The words and tears of parting, and the sob 
Of those who lingered by the hearth of home 
When those they loved had gone away to 

fight 
The battle for their Country ; and I heard 
The cry of dying men on battle fields, 
Where blood ran like a river ; and I saw 
The vacant places in the stricken homes ; 
The widow with her children, bowed in 

grief,— 
The mother mourning for the son she 

loved, — 
The maiden widowed ere she was a wife. 



The sun was low when Rob came home to me. 
I heard his footsteps on the hillside road, 
And went to meet him at the gate. I knew, 
In one swift moment, when I saw his face, 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 89 

That lie was mine no longer. I could keep 
My Rob no longer in the nest of home. 
His wings were fledged for flight toward the 
south. 



" You're going, Rob," I cried, and reached 

a hand 
To draw him to me. " I can read the truth 
My brother, in your eyes.' 7 

" Yes, dear,' 7 he said, 
And put his arms about me and bent down 
To kiss my cheek. "I cannot linger here 
And hear my Country calling, in her hour of 

need, 
Vainly for help. You would not say one 

word 
To keep me here, if it were left to you, — 
I know you would not. Better than yourself 
I know the brave and loyal heart that beats 
This moment in your bosom. Duty calls, 
And you would be the last, dear Sister Ruth, 
To bid me turn deaf ears to such a call. 
I go away, but some day I'll come back, 

God willing, but if not " 

He said no more, 
But lifted up my pallid face to his, 
And looked into my eyes, and in that look 



40 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

I read so many things ! I saw liow hard 
It was for him to leave me, and I drove 
The starting tears back to their fount again, 
Resolved to bear my share of sorrow's load 
As bravely as I might. I would not add 
One feather-weight to make his burden 

more, 
By weak repining or by selfish grief. 
My love for him should give me strength to 

make 
?\Iyself a helper in this hour of need. 
" And John is going too," he said, as we 
Went up the path together, hand in hand. 
" Oh, he is such a noble fellow, Ruth — 
You should have heard him when he spoke 

to-day. 
Such ringing, earnest words. They thrill 

me yet. 
It was as if the very voice of Freedom spoke. 
They cheered and cheered him when his 

speech was done. 
"I practice what I preach," he said, and 

put 
His name down first on the enlistment roll, 
And — mine stands next— I could not help it, 

Ruth. 
You do not blame me— and you under- 
stand J " 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 41 

" Yes, Rob, dear Rob, I understand,' 7 1 said; 
"I cannot blame you." And a thrill of pride 
In him, my hero, made me almost brave, 
And for one moment— one— I half forgot 
The sorrow and the lonesomeness of life 
Without him. 

Then tears came and hid his face 
Away from me. I could not see the hills 
For many moments. 

By and by John came. 
His hands were full of pansies. "See," he 

said, 
"I found them on her grave and gathered 

them 
For you." 

I took them, thanking with a look 
The kind, true heart that had such tender 

thoughts 
For those he loved; and some I gave to Rob. 
For were they not sweet messengers of love 
From mother to her children ?— some for him 
And some for me, — and each should have 

his share. 



I left them, by and by, to talk of plans 
I could not listen to and hold my peace. 
It seemed as if I must cry out, " No — no," 



42 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

Beat back the threatening sorrow with fierce 

hands, 
And bid it not to cross the threshold stone; 
Cry, "Seek some other home, but oh, spare 

mine — 
Spare mine and me." 

And then a sense of shame 
For selfish thoughts like these came over me. 
What was I, more than others, that the pain 
Of parting and of loss should pass me by ? 
I wandered down the lilac-bordered path, 
And, curiously, while I thought of other 

things, 
I saw the blossoms nodding on the branch, 
The pale, white moonlight silvering the 

world, 
And heard the brook's low song, as down the 

hill 
It ran to find the sea. Strange, is it not, 
That in an hour of grief such common things 
Force cognizance of themselves ? 

At last 
John came to join me in my restless walk. 
We did not speak at first, but to and fro 
We paced among the lilacs. Then I thought 
About his fancy of the fragrant flowers 
And his dead mother's love, and broke a 

branch 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 43 

And put it in his hand. He understood 
The thought that prompted me to give the 

flower, 
And smiled, and held the branch against his 

face 
In a caressing way. Then by and by 
He reached and took my hand. 

"Dear Ruth, 77 he said, 
"There's something I must say to you to- 
night. 
I love you, Ruth. Though never put in words, 
I think you must have known for many a 

day 
The truth I tell you now. I want to take 
Away with me the tender memory 
Of one who waits for me, who prays forme, 
Who loves me, and will be my wife when I 
Come back, if that should be. Oh, may I, 
Ruth J » 



The love-light kindled in my lover's eyes, 
And made me think of nights when up the 

sky 
I saw the silver glory of the moon 
Leap from behind the hills and drive away 
The darkness and. the shadows, till the 

world 



44 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

Was like a new-created one, all pure 
As if just from the great World-Maker's 
hand. 



"Dear John, best friend I ever had, 77 1 said, 
"Save Robert and my mother, I can give 
Friendship for friendship, but the love you 

seek 
I keep for Robbie, and for him alone.' 7 



"I ask no love like that, 77 he said. "I want 
A different love. You can love me as I 
Would have you, Ruth, and love Rob none 
the less. 77 



" You cannot understand me, John, 77 I said; 
"I'm sorry for your sake, so sorry, John — 
But what you ask it is not mine to give." 



"I will not take an answer now, 77 he said 
"Think over it. Before I go away 
ril ask for your decision. 77 

"It will be 
The same, 77 I answered. 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 45 

All that night I thought 
Of what he said to me, and I was filled 
With a strange gladness and a deep unr< 
The memory of his words made pleasant 

sounds 
Among my wakeful dreams, as if a song 
Was tangled in my heart strings, making 

there 
Sweet, vibrant echoes of the music's theme. 
And I would half forget all else to hear 
The melody. Then suddenly the thought 
Of Rob would come, and I would feel untrue 
To him. And so I made myself believe 
That I could never love him as I ought 
And love another : In my heart was room 
For one, and only one. 

Oh, those last daj^s. 
When parting's shadow hung o'er every- 
thing. 
I felt it in the garden and the house, 
And sunshine could not frighten it away. 
Not all the sunshine in the world, it seemed. 
Could make a brightness in the long day's 

gloom. 
It made the spring seem like the lonesome 

days 
Of fall, when all the loveliness of earth 
Is passing from us. I knew well enough 



46 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

When I saw Rob look into the old rooms, 
And linger by the places where we played 
When we were happy children, that he 

thought 
It might be the last time. Oh, these "last 

times. " — 
And always, when I saw it, I would hide 
Myself away from him, and in my room 
Would "have my cry out," as we women 

say, 
Before I joined him. 

The day came at last 
When they must go— when good-byes must 
bo said. 

Rob came home from the village in his suit 
Of "army blue." How brave the dear boy 

looked. 
And then the swift tears came and blurred 

my eyes, 
And through the mist I saw him with a glow 
Of light about his head, like aureoles 
The saints wear in old pictures. 

Of those hour-. 
My last with Rob on earth, I cannot talk, 
Their memory is too sacred. 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 47 

By and by, 

John Earle came in to say good-by, and ask 
What answer I had to give him. 

"Is it yes 
Orno?" heasked. " I hope, Ruth, it is yes." 

' ' But it is not," I said. ' ' Forgive me, John,— 
Oh, friend of many years, tried friend and 

true I 
It hurts my heart to think I give you pain 
When you have asked for love." 

His eyes had been 
Full of a hopeful light, but at my words 
That light died out of them. I saw his lip 
Quiver like a grieved child's before he spoke. 

" Well, if you cannot give the love I ask, 
'Tis better I should know the truth, " he said, 
" Than go on hoping when the hope at last 
Must come to nought. Oh Ruth, the hope 

was sweet — 
So sweet." 

He paused, for tears were in his voice, 
And choked him for a moment. 

" But you know 
Your own heart best. Oh, are you sure, 

Ruth, 
Quite sure it cannot be % " 



48 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

" Quite sure," I said, 
And made the words as tender as I could, 
For pity made my heart ache for the man 
"Whom, love made tenderer than a woman is 
In any mood, save that a mother feels 
When on her breast she holds the little child 
God has just given her. 

" Remember, John, 
I'll always count you as my dearest friend, 
My one friend next to Rob. Try to forget 
You ever thought of me as else than that." 

"It is not easy to forget," he said. 
' ' Love dies at no one's bidding. But enough, 
I'll trouble you no more with useless talk 
Of hopes and dreams that never can come 
true." 

" You do not blame me, John ? " 

" Why should I, Ruth? 
There's nothing 1 can blame you for. ' If I 
Have reared a house on unsubstantial sand 
What blame belongs to others if it fall i 
Blame you, indeed ! No— no ! But always, 

Ruth, 
Remember that I am your truest friend, 
And come to me for proof in time of need. 
Wow shall we say good-by ? " 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 49 

I put my hand in his. 
"God bless you, John/' I said in broken 

words. 
c ' For my sake, John, take care of Rob, and 

bring 
My brother back to me. God bless you both, 
And keep you safe shall be my hourly 

prayer. 
Good-by— good-by." 

He bent and kissed my cheek : 
"For what I hoped might be," he said. It 

was 
As if a mourner should stoop down to kiss 
His dead before the grave hid it from sight. 
Alas, for all the hopes that fade and die 
As flowers do, in the frost. 

"Ill care for Rob 
For your sake and for friendship's, never 

fear; 
He is my brother by the kin of love 
If not of blood." And then— " Dear Ruth, 

good- by 
For a long time, and, it may be, forever — 
God knows, not we. I leave you in His 

keeping." 

And. then he went away. 

Ere long, Rob came. 



50 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

"It's time for me to go," lie said. "Come, 

Ruth, 
I'm going by the churchyard, for once more 
I want to see her grave. So come with me, 
There's where we'll say good-by." 

And hand in hand, 
As we had gone so many times before 
But never would again, we two went out 
Through the old garden and the gate, 
And up the winding hill-road, speaking not, 
But each was thinking over sorrowful 

thoughts 
For which there is no name, and which can 

find 
Utterance in but one word, and that "good- 
by." 

When half way up the hill he stopped and 

looked, 
With yearning, wistful eyes, back to the 

house 
That he was going from forever. 

Then my heart 
Forgot its bravery,— all but its grief, 
And made its moan, "How can I let you 

go?" 
"Don't, Ruth," he said; and I choked down 

my tears— 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 51 

Or made a mighty effort to, and failed, — 
And we went- on together up the hill 
And into the old churchyard. Mother's grave 
Was purpled o'er with pansies. He knelt 

down 
And touched them with caressing hands, 

and said, 
" Dear little things ! I wonder if she knows % " 
And then a wind stirred all the blossoms 

there, 
And set them nodding, nodding ' ' Yes, she 

knows." 
"Dear Ruth, if I should die—" And then 

a sob 
Choked him, and for a time he could not 

speak, 
While in my ears kept ringing like a knell, 
"If he should die." 



At last, he spoke again : 
"If I should not come back, don't think of 

me 
As so far off you cannot hear my voice 
Or see me, but close by, as mother is, — 
She told you how it was. Death cannot break 
The tie that binds your heart and mine, 

dear Ruth. 



52 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

You may be here, I in tlie world of God, 
But all there is between us is the sod 
That covers me, so near the two worlds are, — 
So near will we be to each other still. 
My love will be the same it is to-day, 
In Heaven or here. Remember that, dear 
Ruth." 



My brother, I remember evermore ! 

He took me in his arms, and lovingly 
Looked down into my face and said to me — 
Oh sweet words to remember all these 

years— 
"What a true, faithful sister you have 

been." 

And then— and then — 

I cannot tell you more 
Of those last moments, for the swift tears 

rise 
And blind me, till I cannot see the page, 
And all the lines are blurred, as if the rain 
Blew in upon the words; but through the 

mist 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 53 

I see my brother's face. No tears can hide 
That from my loving eyes — not even the 
grave. 

When Rob had gone, I could not make it 

seem, 
For many days, as if he had not died. 
That awful sense of absence and of loss 
Which follows death was all about the 

house. 
I listened in the silence for a step 
That never came — a voice I could not hear. 
I saw his vacant chair, his empty room, 
The clothes that he had worn, as we see 

things 
Belonging, once, to those we loved, but now 
No longer theirs, because they have no need 
Of earthly things. Then I would strive to 

put 
Such thoughts away, and bear with hopeful 

heart 
The burden of my loneliness. At night 
I dreamed of Rob, and woke from dreams, 

at morn, 
With thoughts of him. I wondered where 

he was, 
And what he thought about. Of me, 

perhaps, — 



54 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

And all the livelong day, on tireless feet 
My thoughts went tramp, tramp, tramping 

after him. 
At evening, I would sit and watch the stars 
And think that maybe he was watching too, 
And there was something pleasant in the 

thought 
That we could see the same things, though 

apart. 
It made him seem more near to fancy that. 
Each night I knelt down in my little room 
And prayed for the brave boy I loved so 

well, — 
Prayed Gfod would keep him safe, and send 

him back ; 
And never once did I forget to pray 
For John. 



And so the lonesome days went by. 
How many, many women, North and South, 
Know what they were to me. They know, 

because, 
Like me, they waited by the hearth of home. 
And oh ! how many of them wait to-day; 
But what they wait for is no more of earth. 
Oh weary hearts, some day, some happy 

day, 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 55 

Your waiting will be over, and the touch 
u Of vanished hands 7 ' will gladden you 

again, 
The " voices that are still 77 be heard once 

more, 
And then— oh — then — ! 

I tried my best to be 
Brave, cheerful, patient. Often letters came, 
Bright, loving letters, like a beam of light- 
That falls in shady places, and they made 
Me stronger for the work I had to do. 
If those I loved could with unfaltering 

hands 
And willing hearts do what the soldier must, 
Could I not pray for them at home, and 

wait ? 
That was my share of work; and if God heard 
But one out of the many prayers I made 
And answered it, then am I very sure 
It was well done. 



So two long years went by. 
Then Rob 7 s discharge came: 

' ' Honorably discharged, " 
I say to-day, with pride. Thank Grod for that. 

It was in May that the news came to me 



56 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

That lie was mustered out. The earth was 

like 
A child that wakes up from a pleasant sleep, 
All flushed and radiant with joy. The rose 
Was breaking into bloom beside the gate, 
Pink as the cheeks of maidens when they 

hear, 
AVith glad, down-dropping eyes and beating 

hearts, 
The words of love a lover has to tell ; 
The gnarled, gray branches of the apple trees 
Were like great arms, filled by the laugh- 
ing May 
With flowers to lure the bee, and freight the 

air 
With odors dreams are born of, and each 

breeze 
That blew across the orchard scattered down 
A shower of white petals on the grass, 
Like a belated snow-storm. In the elm 
The robin's nest, just finished, could be seen, 
And he was singing from a cherry bough 
A roundelay of gladness to his mate, 
Who by the nest was dreaming happy 

dreams 
Of unfledged wings. The world was glad 

at heart 
Because of song and sunshine, and the May. 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 57 

How much, that afternoon, I thought of Rob ! 
He loved the blossoms and the birds so well 
That I kept wishing, wishing he could know 
About them. All day long he seemed to be 
Close by me, — sitting with me, — watching 

me ^ 

About my work as he had used to do, 
And I was strangely happy. Once, indeed, 
His presence seemed so real I spoke his name, 
Half thinking— though the fancy made me 

smile 
At its own fancif ulness, that I would hear 
His voice in answer to me. But instead 
The listening robin in the cherry tree 
Broke into jubilant song, and sang until 
It seemed as if his little throat must burst 
With melody. Perhaps the robin knew ! 

I heard a boy's blithe whistle down the road, 
And thought, I have remembered since, how 

light 
A boy's heart is, a thing of thistle-down 
Tossed hither, thither, by each breeze that 

blows, 
Knowing no care, no longing, no regret, 
Content and happy just to breathe and be. 

The little lad stopped at the garden gate. 



58 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

Holding a letter up for me. I ran 

To get it, wondering if it was from Rob. 

' ' A telegram, ' \ the boy said ; "it just came. 
It's from somebody in the war, they said. 7 ' 
A telegram ! I reached a trembling hand 
To take the message, half afraid to touch 
The folded paper, for too well I knew 
What army telegrams had come to mean 
To those who read them in their lonely 

homes. 
I leaned against the gate, grown dizzy, faint 
With terrible foreboding, while I tore 
The message open. 

There 1 read these words : 
" Robert was killed ijst battle yester- 



Only six words ! But those words seemed to 

grow, 
And grow, and grow, till all the peaceful sky 
Was covered by them, and the hills were hid 
Beneath their blackness as beneath a pall ; 
And everything about me seemed to cry, 
" Killed— killed in battle," till the world 

was full 
Of that one sound, with room for nothing 

more. 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 59 

I did not cry out in that awful hour 
With the sharp agony that rent my heart — 
It seemed to make me dumb. I turned away 
From round-eyed wonder in the lad's grave 

face, 
And groped my way back to the house like 

one 
Who feels her way in darkness. 

All the light 
Had gone out of the world, for me, with Rob. 

I sat down on the threshold where his feet 
Would never fall again, and laid my head 
Down on the old, worn sill, and said, 
u Dead— dead " 



In the white silence of the summer night 
I went to mother's grave. There I knelt 

down 
In the tall grass, and dropped my tearless 

face 
Among the pansies that were blossoming 

there, 
All wet with dew. The touch of the dear 

flowers 
Was like a kiss— her kiss— upon my cheek. 



60 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

" Oh mother, do you know ? " I cried ; and 

then 
I sobbed out on her grave my grief and loss: 
And lying there beneath the pitying stars. 
With pansy-kisses on my face, it seemed 
As if she held me on her faithful breast, 
And spoke to me in low and loving words 
To comfort me. 

And by and by it seemed 
That Rob was with us, and the mother-arms 
Were round us both. 



A letter came to m«, 
From one of Robbie's comrades, and it toll 
How he had met his death : 

In the fierce charge 
Rob and John Earle went forward side by 

side, 
The letter said, and nobly did Rob fight. 
" Fought like a hero, like a hero fell." 
Those were the very words, and there were 

more 
Of praise for him who was beyond all praise. 

I read that letter often, and I feel 

To day, as then, a strange, exultant thrill 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 61 

Of pride in my dead hero, and I think 
I see the battle-fire in his brave eyes, — 
TTis stern-set lips, — the courage that would 

dare 
The storm of death without a thought of fear. 
"Fought like a hero, like a hero fell." 
Who needs a nobler epitaph than that ? 
And then the letter told me of John Earle : 
' ' He tried to shield your brother from a blow 
A rebel aimed at him. He took the sabre 

stroke 
On his uplifted arm, — he would have saved 
Your brother's life with his. The surgeon 

says 
His wound is a severe and dangerous one, 
But they report that he is doing well. 
He made a hero of himself that day, 
And we are proud of him, — of him and Rob, 
Who was a favorite, you may be glad to 

know, 
With every one who knew him." 

How my heart 
Swelled when I read that tribute to my 

dead, 
So eloquent because so true. 

"I saw 
John Earle to-day. He bade me write to you 
And tell you that he could not; and he said, 



62 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

'Tell her I tried to make my promise good, 
And save Rob for her, but it could not be.' " 



Day after day I sat down in the door 
And thought it over. Henceforth I must 

tread 
A lonely path. And looking down the 

years 
It seemed so long before the end was 

reached ! 
Long pathways are not lonesome ones when 

those 
We love are treading them with us; but when 
The dear, familiar footsteps die away 
Into the silence of the other world. 
Then are they very lonely; and at times 
We falter in the way, put out our hand 
To grasp another hand, and in our need 
Lay hold on — nothing. Then do we remem- 
ber 
There is no arm to lean on except God's, 
And at such times, that seems so far away 
We cannot reach it. 

Then my heart would turn 
To John, as does the little, frightened child 
Left in a strange room turn to him who shows 
The kindest face, and tell him all its grief, 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 63 

And trust him for the help it needs. When I 
Thought of the future, Rob in Heaven 

seemed far, 
So very far away, and my heart ached 
For loving words and a familiar face. 
I wanted some one I could talk to— one 
Whom I could see, and hear, and touch; and 

John 
Was all the friend I had, and he must fill 
The place made vacant by my brother's 

death. 
In all the world— this world, not God's, for 

there 
I had dear friends— he was the only one 
That I could turn to in my loneliness 
And find the comfort that the sore heart 

needs — 
The balm of sympathy that friendship's 

flower 
Yields in abundance, healing up the wounds 
That death makes when it takes the ones 

we love. 



Two weeks went by; and in that time I heard 
No tidings from John Earle. "He may be 

dead," 
I said, and waited in that sad suspense 



G4 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

Which tries the heart as much as grief, or 

more. 
" God, must I lose him, too % " 

At last there came 
A letter, and it told me that my friend 
Was fading slowly, surely out of life ; 
For many days he had not known the face 
Of any comrade ; in delirious hours 
He called for Ruth. Ruth, Ruth, was all 

his thought. 
"We think it best to tell you this,' ' they 

wrote, 
" For if you care to see him this side Heaven 
There is no time to lose, the doctor says. 
The end, perhaps, is nearer than we think : 
We know it's not far off/ 7 

Till I read that, 
And felt how near death was, I did not know 
How much I loved John Earle ; but then I 

saw 
The truth to which my love for Brother Rob 
Had made me blind. The love that John 

had asked 
My heart would give him now, but ah ! too 

late 
Would come the boon his steadfast heart 

had craved. 
Alas, too late ! What need have they who go 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 65 

Away from us to Heaven, of earthly love ? — 
The love that would have made a Heaven 

here 
For them and us. "Too late, too late, too 

late, 77 
Kept ringing in my ears to torture me 
With hopeless longing and with vain regret, 
By the monotony of its refrain, u alas, too 

late.' 7 



No time to lose. Perhaps he would be dead 
Before 1 reached him. "Oh, if love had 

wings, 
Swift wings and strong, to bear me to his 

side, 77 
I cried, and all my thoughts went flying 

south 
Like birds in autumn, to my dying friend ; 
And but one prayer was mine— that God 

would spare 
His life till I could reach him. 

Like a snail 

The train seemed creeping on its southward 

way. 
" O, faster, faster, faster, 77 I would cry; 
"He must not die before I hear him 

speak 



66 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

My name once more. O, shut the gates of 

Heaven 
Against him, Grod, for yet a little time.* 7 



So ran my thoughts through all the laggard- 
hours 
Of the long day and the still longer night 
That made my journey seem a lifetime long. 



But all things end at last. The Sabbath 

peace 
That lay upon the field where death had held 
Fierce revelry so short a time before, 
Stole in upon my heart as I went up 
The hill to the old church which they had 

made 
A hospital, and calmed the tumult there, 
As if the voice of God said, "Peace, be still." 

I met a soldier half way up the hill. 

"I want to find John Earle," I cried, and 

then 
My heart stood still for fear of what might be 
His answer to me. 

"In the old church there," 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 67 

He said, and sudden joy thrilled through my 

frame, 
For he was living yet, and I should see 
My friend once more, this side the gates of 

God. 



Beside the broken fence, a lilac grew,— 
A poor, gnarled bush with scarcely life 

enough, 
It seemed, to put its scanty garments on 
Each year, and yet it could not die. Perhaps 
My life was symboled by this hapless plant, 
I thought, and then a little warm south wind 
Blew one poor branch across my path, and lo! 
A cluster of sweet flowers, born out of time ! 



I thought of John's old fancy of these flowers 
And his dead mother's love ; and then it 

seemed 
As if she stood beside me, welcoming me, 
And I bent down and touched the lilac 

blooms 
As meeting friends clasp hands, and I was 

sure 
His fancy was a true one, for the branch 
Broke in my hand, and made it seem that she 



68 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

Would have me bear the message of her love 
To John. 

With swiftly-beating heart I climbed 
The steps, and paused beside the open door 
For one brief moment, with a wordless 

prayer 
Upon my lips. I know not what it was, 
But God did, I am sure. It matters not 
What shape we put our prayers in, if He 

hears. 

I crossed the threshold. Peace was in the 

room. 
"God's house 77 it seemed, as ne'er did 

church before. 
On either side the aisle I saw a row 
Of narrow beds, and on some sick men lay, 
And some, alas, were empty. 

Some one came 
And spoke to me. u You came to see a 

friend ?" 

"I want John Earle," I cried. " O, tell me 

where 
To find him, please." 

" I think you must be Ruth," 
The soldier said and bade me follow him. 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 69 

A strange excitement thrilled me, as a wind 
Makes the reed quiver, and I felt my cheek 
Grow pale and paler, and breath came and 

went 
In gasps— for I was near to John once more- 
One moment, one, and I should see his face, 
And hear his voice. 

Since then, I've often thought 
That when my feet have found the way to 

Heaven, 
And I stand waiting for the jasper gates 
To swing apart and let me in to God 
And all the dear ones in the deathless land, 
That I shall feel the same excitement there 
That filled my soul in the old church that 

day, 
As I paused, breathless, eager, at its door. 



Beyond the long aisle and the chancel's rail 
One bed stood by itself. 

" John Earle's," he said, 
Who led the way. 

I saw a thin white face 
On the rough pillow, and it made me think 
Of snowdrifts fading in the April wind, 
So wan it was --quite like the thistledown 
That vanishes at lightest breath of air ; 



70 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

And at the sight of it my feet stood still, 
As they will stand when I get into Heaven, 
And come before the King, adoring him. 

I saw John's face once more. 



And then I saw 
Another thing : where John's right arm had 

been 
There was no arm now, and I knew that he 
Had lost it when he tried to save Rob's life. 

John, my hero ! 

"I will leave yon now," 
The soldier said. " He'll wake up soon, I 

think. 
Be quiet, ma'am; he's weaker than a child, — 
Don't let him talk much." Then he went 

away, 
And I knelt softly down beside the bed 
And looked upon the poor, pale, patient face 
Until tears came, and made me suddenly 

blind. 

1 laid the flowers on his pillow. He 
Stirred in his sleep, and presently awoke. 

' ' I thought I smelled the lilacs. Is it spring, 
And are you here, my mother ? " 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 71 

Oh, that voice, 
So weak it was a whisper, but as sweet 
In my ears as the Heavenly Song will be. 

" Oh John, " I cried out softly, "7" am here— 
The Ruth you wanted. Don't you know me, 
John 3 " 

He turned towards me in a startled way, 
As if a voice spoke to him from the dead, 
And then— I see it yet — the light that filled 
His wistful eyes, and shone through his 

white face, 
And made it seem so like an angel's that 
The sight was full of a sharp agony for me. 

"Ruth, Ruth — dear Ruth," he cried, and 

tried to reach 
His one poor hand in welcome. 

Then I dropped 
My face upon it, and I covered it 
With kisses, and a silence deep and sweet 
Was round us many moments. Neither cared 
To break it, for heart spoke to heart, and 

words 
Are poor, weak things in such a time as that. 



72 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

"I've thought of you," he told me, by and 

by, 

" So much, dear Ruth, for I knew that you'd 

be 
So lonely — after that." And then his lip 
Quivered, and the blue violets of his eyes 
Were blossoms, wet with sudden summer 

rain. 
"I tried to save him, Ruth. I wonder why 
My life would not have answered, just as 

well? 
I wish it might have been so, for your sake." 



Oh most unselfish soul ! How poor, how 

weak, 
I felt before the man who would have died 
For love's sake, gladly. Unto me it seemed 
As if the heavens opened, and I saw 
The cup of the Holy Grail— a soul abrim 
With wine of love like this— a soul so pure 
It was a symbol of divinest things. 



"I am so glad you came, so glad," he said ; 
"I want to tell you many things of Rob 
Before the end comes. Ah, the end ! " and 
then 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 73 

A strange and far off look grew in his eyes 
As if already he could see beyond 
The lights and shadows of this lower life 
Into the mystery of the life with God. 



" Oh John," I cried, and put out both my 

hands 
As if to hold him back from Heaven's door, 
" I cannot give you up ! In all the world 
I have no one but you — live, live for me ! " 



"It is in God's hands, Ruth," was his reply, 
"And He knows best." 



I saw how weak he was 
And bade him talk no more, but try to rest. 
I stroked the brown hair backward from his 

brow, 
And laid my fingers on his eyes, and he 
Smiled as a pleased child does, but the smile 
Was such a wan and white one that it made 
My heart ache when I saw it. 

By and by, 
His hand found mine, and holding it, he 

sank 



74 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

Into a quiet sleep. The doctor came 
While he was sleeping. He bent down to 

hear 
The sick man's breathing, and to watch his 

face. 



"I think the sight of you has done him 

good," 
He said, and seemed well pleased. " Perhaps 

— who knows ? 
It may be possible to save him yet ; 
A woman's care does more than doctors can 
In such a case as this, nine times in ten." 
A hope sprang up, that moment, in my heart, 
And flooded it with brightness as the sun 
Breaks suddenly from behind a cloud, and 

fills 
The world with wonderful beauty. " God," 

I cried, 
And lifted up my face toward the Throne 
And Him who sits thereon in majesty, 
"Oh spare him, spare him, spare him." 

Who shall say 
That God heard not my prayer and answered 

it? 
I love to think so : but it may have been 
Willed in the Eternal Wisdom he would live 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 75 

And that lie would have lived, had I not 

prayed ; 
But still I love to think Grod heard my 

prayer 
And answered it. I know He answers some, 
And why not mine ? 

When morn's first ray stole in 
Along the aisle, as comes on noiseless feet 
A Sister of sweet Charity, scattering gloom 
By the soft radiance of her saintlike smile, 
I thought John's face wore quite a different 

look; 
There was a faint, vague color in the cheeks, 
A hint, a memory, of the ruddy hue 
That had been there before that bat tie- day 
When he laid down his strong right arm 

for Eob, 
And dared all for his Country. 

In his round 
The doctor sat awhile, to talk with me 
And nodded his gray head, in hopeful way, 
At sight of John's changed face. 

' ' I'm glad to see 
That new look there," and then he felt 
The sick man's pulse. ' ' A stronger, steadier 

beat 
Than yesterday. I tell you what, my boy, 
There is no tonic like a friendly face. 



76 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

I've seen it do what skill of mine could not 
Time and again, and here's another case 
Of wonder-working, if I read aright 
The signs, to-day; and my poor, baffled skill 
Steps back and gives the credit all to Ruth. 
Where it belongs. So, Doctor Ruth, keep on, 
And maybe in a month, if all goes well, 
You'll have this soldier on his feet again." 

The doctor's words were sweeter in my ear 
Than any music I had ever heard ; 
Through happy tears I looked the gratitude 
I could not trust myself to put in speech. 

Days came and went : and as a little boat 

That drifted seaward on an ebbing tide 

Is shoreward blown by some land-loving 

wind, 
So John's life was blown back to earth and 

me 
By favoring winds of God's great mercy; and 
My heart was full of happiness — so full 
It seemed there was enough for all the world. 

I never shall forget the summer days 

I spent in that old church. To me they are 

Among the best days of my life. 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 77 

Ere long 
We had it mostly to ourselves, for those 
Who were not wounded unto death, grew 

strong, 
And went to join their comrades in the field; 
And those whose battle-days were done, 

went out 
To join their comrades in the land of peace. 
I stood by many a dying soldier's bed 
And spoke such words of comfort as I could 
In that most solemn hour. I read to them 
The promises of God, and tried to show, 
To eyes grown dim, the glory shining out 
Through Heaven's door, across the night of 

death, 
To light the way that leads the wanderer 

home. 
I wrote for them last messages of love 
To dear ones in the homes they longed to see 
Before they went away. When they were 

dead 
I shut the lids down over sightless eyes, 
And laid a blossom or a leaf between 
The folded hands ; and often tears would 

fall 
On the still faces as I thought of those 
Who waited, far away, in hopeless hope, 
Some tidings from the dead. 



78 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

In those long days, 
When o'er our little world between the hills 
Peace spread its wings, making it seem to me 
War must be all a dream, we talked of Rob. 

"Oh Ruth, we were so proud, so proud of 

him," 
John said ; ' ' No braver soldier ever lived, 
Or died, then he was. Everybody loved 
The boy. If you could but have seen his face 
That moment when we made the last wild 

charge, 
It would have thrilled you like a trumpet- 
blast. 
So brave— so grand ! It set my soul on fire 
With courage I had never felt before. 
Our standard-bearer fell, and like a flash 
Rob sprang and seized the colors, and above 
Our heads he waved the flag, and cried, 

' ' Come on — 
They shall not drive us back,— come on,— 
come on ! " 

How John's eyes kindled at the memory 
Of Rob's brave deed ; and I could see it all 
As if it passed before me, watching him, 
For his pale face would grow more eloquent 
Than any words are. 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 79 

"Some day we will go 
To see his grave," he said. "The last thing 1 
Remember, is the volley that they fired 
Above it. Then the red sun seemed to fade 
Until it was a spark, and then went out 
In utter darkness, and I knew no more.' 7 

One day John called me Sister Ruth. 

"You'll let 
Me be your brother, now that Rob is gone." 
He said, and smiled in his grave, earnest 

way; 
And then he put his hand upon my own 
As if to seal the compact. Then I knew 
He had no thought of ever calling me 
By any dearer name. What I had said 
In answer to the plea he made for love 
He had set down as final. He would ask 
For such a love no more, because, he thought, 
She knew her own heart then, and if for me 
There was no love there such as that I sought, 
There is none now. She holds me as a friend, 
And loves me as a brother, that is all ; 
And if I can not have the tiling I sought, 
With what I can have I must be content. 

Oh John ! I did think that I knew my heart, 
When from his plea of love I turned away, 



80 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

But now I knew it better. From my eyes 
The blindness was dispelled, and I could see 
The truth he could not. But I could not say 
To him, " If you should ask of me to-day 
The question that you asked me long ago, 
My answer would be different." I must let 
Him learn the truth some other way. And 

yet, 

I wonder that he read not in my face 
The love that was not like a sister's love. 
Ah, men are sometimes blind when they 

might see ! 
Such men as John must always judge, I 

think, 
All others by themselves. Their " no " to-day 
A year hence will be " no, "and never "yes." 
They understand themselves before they 

speak, 
But not all women do ; we make mistakes 
In our own judgment of ourselves, I know, 
And only time and change bring us to see 
The truth. Alas, how many times too late 
The knowledge comes to set the error right. 



One still October day we climbed the hill 
Behind the church to find Rob's nameless 
grave. 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 81 

The air was full of Indian Summer haze 
That softened all harsh outlines, near and 

far, 
Making the world of men a world of dreams, 
Because it was so shadowy and so vague, 
So far away from all the din and fret, 
The want and work and worry of men's 

lives. 



We climbed the steep hill slowly. I broke 

off 
Some purple asters growing by the path, . 
And a great plume of golden-rod, to lay 
Upon the grave of him who loved such 

flowers 
As if they were akin. 

"Ruth, shut your eyes, 
And I will lead you to the spot, " John said, 
And trustingly I did as I was told, 
And with my hand in his, he led me on 
A little distance. Then he stopped, and 

said, 
In tender, reverent way, "Here is his 

grave," 
— As I have heard some men say, "Let us 

pray,"— 
Then went away and left me there alone. 



82 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

And on the hillside sloping to the sun, 
Beneath the branches of an old pine tree 
That whispered ever to the roving wind 
Of something sorrowful as death — or life— 
I saw, low at my feet, all covered o'er 
With a snow of autumn daisies, — Robbie's 
grave. 



The sun was low when John came back to me. 

" Is it too soon ? " he asked, and came and 

stood 
Beside me, looking down upon the grave 
With thoughtful eyes. 

"I knew, dear Sister Ruth, 
You'd have so much to tell him." 

"Yes," I said, 
" And I have told it," — smiling through my 

tears, 
At him who stood there with his empty sleeve 
Across his breast. How brave, how grand 

he looked ! 

"If /were lying here, and to my grave 
You came, dear Ruth, what would you have 

to tell?" 
He questioned, looking gravely in my eyes. 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 83 

" Oh John," I cried, my heart upon my lips, 
"I'd tell you that I loved you." 

Like a flash 
Of sudden light, the meaning in my words 
Broke in upon him, and with eager eyes 
He scanned my face. 

"Oh Ruth, what do you mean % " 



" Oh, are you blind % " I cried in sweet, swift 

shame, 
"I told you, once, I could not give such 

love 
To you as that you asked for. I was wrong. 
Oh, let me be right hand to you, dear 

John, — 
I'll take the place of the strong arm you gave 
For him whose grave is here. Oh, may I, 

John?" 



"Ruth, Ruth," he cried, in voice that 

trembled so 
With doubtful joy, the words seemed close 

to tears, 
" Do you say this because you pity me ? 
For love's sake only would I take the gift 
You offer me." 



84 BROTHER AND LOVER. 

I looked into his face, 
With honest eyes, and answered truthfully, 
"Believe me, John, I say it for love's sake. 77 



He answered not a word, but in his eyes 
There was an eloquence that in one look 
Told more than all the words a man could 

speak 
In a whole lifetime. 

Then he put his arm, 
Bis one dear arm, about me, drawing me 
To him in love's embrace ; and I could feel 
The swift and happy beating of his heart, 
And looking up into his earnest eyes 
I seemed to see his brave soul shining- 
through, 
As through a rifted cloud one sees the sky 
Beyond, bright with the beauty of the sun, 
And oh, what joy shone on me in that look ! 
He kissed me, whispering softly, " Oh my 

Ruth, 
If this is earth then what must Heaven be ? " 



And overhead I heard the pine's low voice 
Telling its troubles to the wandering wind, 
While in the rustling grasses at my feet 



BROTHER AND LOVER. 85 

I seemed to hear a voice all jubilant 

With gladness, and I think it was Rob's 

voice, 
And he was telling me he knew, he knew ! 



Ah yes, he knew, and for love's sake was 

glad, 
As was the bird that from its little nest 
Upon his grave soared singing up the sky ? 
To tell the story at the gate of Heaven. 



THE END. 













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